Mixed Ministry - An issue for Children's Workers?

[Dave Roberts]

This is from an article by Jenny Baker - read the whole article at the link below. Are the questions she raises relevant for you?

A friend of mine is a vicar who has just started a new job. Last month, she asked to meet with a local Baptist minister to find out more about his church and to talk about ways in which they could work together. He said that he couldn’t meet her on her own in principle, because she is a woman, and insisted that his wife was at the meeting as well. Were his actions wise? Overcautious? Insulting? Extreme? I think he needs to read a copy of this book, which challenges the church to tackle the issue of men and women in ministry, going beyond fear and suspicion to find constructive ways of working together.

The central premise is that we should treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, recognising that we are part of the same family. They say, ‘Healthy faith families, just like biological families, need both men’s and women’s ideas, gifts and perspectives in order to thrive. Single parents will testify that it’s tough being both mum and dad. But many ministries today are like single parent families’, arguing that it’s not healthy for either men or women to minister on their own. They quote John Ortberg who says, ‘I think too often churches avoid the topic or settle for an unbiblical ‘strategy of isolation’ where men deliberately separate themselves from women as a means of temptation avoidance. This leads to a loss of biblical community, lost opportunities for the development of leadership gifts and doesn’t even help in avoiding sin.’

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[Andy Back]

There is no doubt that it's blindingly obvious from scripture as well as from common sense that children need the mentoring of adults of both genders.
I think on balance I support the Baptist minister's wisdom, athough perhaps not the way it seems to have been expressed. The issue isn't about same-gender ministry, it's about being a Man of God deliberately placing himself in a context where he is alone with a woman. No-one would kick off, I think, if a Woman of God was hesitant about being alone in a meeting with a man. And it's not about trust or expecting the other person to be a seducer or an attacker. It's about providing a third (or preferably more than one other) party to give a degree of accountability.
On reflection, I think the Baptist Minister would have been more effective if he'd invited seven or eight of his Children's Workers (male and female) to the meeting (inviting the Vicar to do the same), to ensure that everyone knew they were welcome to see what the options were for developing this essential aspect of church life. An open invitation speaks volumes. Just inviting his wife may or may not serve the children; so why not invite people who have them as their high priority?
And I got through all that without making a comment about women vicars

[Janet Evans]

A lot of what Andy says I agree with; mixed groups have to be the best 'family' solution. It can seem hurtful for a minister not to want to meet alone with a woman, but there are so many accusations made about pastors, these days it's probably just as well that they watch their backs. Less about fear and suspicion and perhaps more about common sense. A third party might even have complained in the minister's last job that he met alone with women - if he never does it, a complaint can never be made. We can get perhpa a bit too quick to be hurt when no offence was intended. In any case, nobody knows what is in a man's (or woman's) mind; best to gracefully accept the situation. We all of us have points of weakness and things we are better off avoiding . . . what is more important is if they had a constructive meeting, whoever was present; surely a wife wouldn't be a hindrance to that?

Same gender ministries is a different thing altogether. Perhaps there are times for and times against, dependant on the event/kids/leaders available/space?

[Ruth Thomas]

In my (Christian) workplace, there are male and female staff and it's by no means unknown for me to be in a room alone with a man. Sometimes it is required -- eg my line manager is male and is expected to undertake annual reviews with me. Exactly the same was true in my previous secular employment. Nobody expects this to cause any problems, but in the unlikely event that it does there are procedures to deal with issues such as sexual harrassment at work.

I can't see why on earth this minister was worried about meeting a minister of the opposite sex. If he really was concerned for his reputation, surely they could have met in a church office where other staff will be present in adjacent rooms, or even in a local coffee shop? Inviting others from the church to attend the meeting may be useful, but can compromise confidentiality or openness in some situations -- certainly you wouldn't do that for an annual review in employment. In the rest of the world it is generally assumed that people won't attack or seduce each other; why should Christians assume that they will?!